Redefining Masculinity Through Spiritual Wisdom

Our masculine identity crisis stems from misunderstanding what positive masculinity truly is through the lens of Advaita Vedanta.

• Positive masculinity is about inner strength with gentleness, not dominance or suppression
• True masculinity comes from being rooted in dharma (righteous living)
• The false masculine identity is based in ego rather than our nature as pure consciousness
• Brahman (ultimate reality) is beyond gender—the crisis comes from not realizing our true nature
• Within family and society, roles should be based on necessary actions rather than gender distinctions
• The ideal male role model is unmoved by praise/blame and success/failure
• True strength is found in peace, not aggression or control
• Presence is more important than commands in fatherhood and relationships
• Toxic masculine traits (aggression, superiority, emotional repression) stem from ignorance of the self
• Discipline and self-inquiry help transform impulsive masculinity into radiant stability
• Look to figures like Sri Ram and Krishna rather than modern "alpha male" influencers

Share your thoughts on this perspective of masculinity and let's continue the conversation.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Bearded Mystic Podcast, and I'm your host, rahul N Singh. Thank you for taking out the time today to either watch or listen to this podcast episode. So first update that I'm going to give before we go into the episode today is that the course that I am creating course that I was that I am creating, resting in formless awareness that is being pushed forward to next year, being launched early next year, so early 2026, the reason being a lot of things are coming up recently where I'm not able to spend much time on it, so so, for now, there's just going to be a little bit of a delay, but we will work through that and I want to be able to give a product to you that is really good, where you learn the maximum amount, and that's the whole point. So, yeah, that's the first update I wanted to give. So now the episode that I wanted to talk about today. Seen in the past or heard on a discord call.

Speaker 1: 1:31

I'm very concerned about the, the topic of masculinity, and so, and I think you know, just recently I watched a tv show called adolescence and you know, and let's all be honest, anything that shows toxic masculinity is concerning and the majority of young people who are going through this, who are going through some sort of masculinity crisis, you know, how can they deal with their masculinity? How? What is masculinity and how can it be something that is positive rather than something that is negative? Now, there's a reason why I'm doing this, because I want to give a view of what positive masculinity looks like through the lens of Advaita Vedanta. So, by doing this, what we're doing is having a look at how we can you know us as young men, young men well, I'm not so young anymore, I'm like 37. So but say, you're younger than me and you don't know what it like, what it's like to feel that you're a man because certain things aren't in your control anymore. Well, trust me, as a millennial, things have never been in our control and we've been promised things and they have been undelivered. And so, with that one generation, I feel that has had the worst and yet have made the best out of those circumstances. Now, that doesn't mean that the generations after me are not doing the same, of course, but I'm just talking very generally, so very generalized.

Speaker 1: 3:08

Now, as we go through this, I want us to understand it properly. Just remember, I'm talking from an Advaita Vedanta lens, so something from that's going to be established in what looks like a dharmic way of being masculine. It's an important topic because I am a self-proclaimed feminist, so you're gonna see it from, but this is not my perspective. So, um, but I tend to live through these traits I'm talking about, very naturally, while being a feminist. So for anyone who thinks that you have to kind of be all macho to be masculine, well, you know, there's a. I don't think that's the right way in which Advaita Vedanta kind of proposes, but let's have a look at that.

Speaker 1: 4:01

So, first of all, all we have to look at positive masculinity. So this is not about dominance. You know, you don't need to dominate everything you know today it's like, oh, you gotta like earn a million dollars, you gotta dominate people, you gotta do this, go do that, or, in order to show your dominant, you need to suppress your emotions. You can't show your emotions, but what happens when we suppress is that it brings about more harm, and so positive masculinity is not about dominance, it's not about suppression. It's actually about inner strength without a gentleness. And that's interesting because you can be so strong within so, no matter what happens, you do not get affected by it. But also, from the outside, you show love, and love and kindness and, and that's important one, is that you're rooted in dharma. So you, it's all about righteous living and it's all about vivek, using your discernment. Without using your discernment, without, uh, being in righteous living, you won't make wrong choices. You won't make choices that will harm others.

Speaker 1: 5:13

And you know, I very rightly, on this podcast, just outright say you will not vote for someone who is adharmic in in general. And today we can see leaders who are adormic, who are not living righteously, who are harming others, whether they are people that are minorities or those that are immigrants. They're harming them. So or they have zero kind of humanity, feelings of humanity for people in conflict zones. So this is very important to understand that you know that person is rooted in dharma and then that person who has positive masculinity, one shows courage. So when it comes to things they're courageous to stand up, like right now, I believe that it's important for they're courageous to stand up, um, like right now I believe that it's important for people like myself to stand up for people who are oppressed by the current regime in in place in the united states uh, the trump regime.

Speaker 1: 6:18

So then there's about. Then we need to have forgiveness, we need to have compassion I mean you to have compassion and we need to be steady-minded in wisdom. Our mind needs to be steady, stable in wisdom, and that's important. So these aspects are what cause, in my opinion well, in the opinion of Advaita Vedanta, positive masculinity. So let's look at the false male identity. You know the one that we see a lot of today, and this is actually because we're investing in the ego, not in ourselves as pure consciousness, but more so because we're rooted in the ego and it brings out this toxic masculinity.

Speaker 1: 6:59

So what happens there is that you know most societal models, um, you know most societies, uh, their view of masculinity is that it's all ego-based. You know, you have to be, you know, you have to have this feeling that I am strong and I will provide and I will conquer. Uh, I will provide for other people, I will do, and all of this is rooted in the ego. Who is this I that is talking about? It's all body based, it's all mind based. So, but Advaita would simply ask you that who is this eye that is trying to prove, to prove its own manhood? I mean, come on if you think that you can provide or you're strong, and it's that's what makes you a man. What are you doing? Who, who's this? I that's saying all this.

Speaker 1: 7:47

So the Amgara, the ego, identity, has to be seen through, and therefore true masculinity is not about asserting yourself. It's actually about the dissolution of the ego, because then you're going beyond the male mind and the female mind, you're going towards the higher state of being which is understanding. You are pure consciousness, you are the Atma, to put it in a more kind of direct way, so people can understand you operate more like. You're the soul rather than the body and mind. I'm saying it, I say soul in a very, without being wishy-washy or new agey, but yeah, anyway. Now, the reason why I say your pure consciousness and why I said it's beyond male and female is because Brahman itself is beyond gender.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So why do we talk about masculinity? Why is that such a big topic? And it's all down to the fact that we don't realize who we truly are. That's that's the crisis, and not actually whether you are a male or a female or in between or non-binary or whatever spectrum of the gender you are at. I know a lot of people have a problem with that too. But I would say, as an advice, then, I truly believe in oneness and therefore you know, any label is going to limit you. So as long as you understand the label is limited it's okay, but everyone has a right to label themselves as they want. You know, I don't think we should be so dismissive without understanding. So if there is a spectrum of gender, it is gender fluidity. That's absolutely fine, because one does not operate from the body, one does not operate from this identity that the mind has kept, has captivated, but as as that it's the body, captivated as that it's the body, we have to understand that Brahman itself is Nirguna. Therefore it's beyond male or female or any spectrum of gender. So that's number one. No-transcript, this wouldn't be an issue. But again now, I say this with a big caveat, because that's on the ultimate level.

Speaker 1: 10:10

Now, within the transactional level, the vahavadika level, the empirical level, the transactional reality, this relative reality that we're living in dharma, does give us roles to fulfill in family and society. And remember, those roles are often now shared. For example, in my own household. You know, me and my wife do not have male or female jobs. We just simply do what needs to be done. If someone said to me do you do the male job in the house? I'll be like what's that? You know literally. Well, now, it's just about doing a karma, rather than seeing it as is it a male dominated karma, or is it a female dominated karma like that would be just silliness. Or this is a masculine karma, or this is a feminine karma like that would be just ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 10:56

So, yes, we have a family, uh, we have a role in society, a role in family, um, but I do many things that possibly other males didn't do, like my parents' generation. Probably my father didn't do half the things that I do, you know, like changing diapers, you know feeding my son, or, you know, making my son go to sleep at night, doing the dishes, doing the laundry so many things. Taking out the trash there's no um. Or cleaning the house there's no such thing as this is what men do, this sort of females do. That has kind of all ironed out for all the right reasons and, uh, when it comes to even society I mean as a society, as someone that is a father we've tried our best to make sure that my son is seen is rather gender neutral, that there's no such thing as a male thing and a female thing.

Speaker 1: 12:04

It's rather, you got to do the right thing, the correct action, the crew have the correct behavior and we have to model that behavior right. We have to model those actions. So what we try to show is that there's there's no such thing, as you know, putting yourself in the box of gender. So you could say that positive masculinity isn't about clinging to the male ego, it's about playing your role in society, within your family, with another, with bliss, with clarity and with non-attachment, and that's the ultimate way. Uh now, um, as I mentioned, how does one model masculinity?

Speaker 1: 12:46

Uh, and, and this is after you've had your mind steadied in wisdom, and you know it's in the Bhagavad Gita. If you have a look in chapter two, it talks about that steady mind, and you know Sri Krishna talks to us about being in sthita prajna, to be in the mind that is steadied in wisdom. So it's the wise one that's unmoved by praise or blame, success or failure. So, for example, are you a true masculine person if you only have success? So those who fail aren't masculine enough? No, that's not true. If you're praised, you're a masculine person, but if you're blamed, you're not. No, the, the person who's in wisdom, who understands themselves as his true nature, as being brahman, as pure consciousness. You're beyond praise and you're beyond blame, beyond success and failure.

Speaker 1: 13:39

So the ideal male role model, in my opinion, is someone that's not reactive, who doesn't simply just react to things but simply responds. They're not aggressive, they are not needy, but actually they're anchored within themselves, they're centered within themselves. They are wise, they're compassionate. They are the ones that people can turn to. And you see, the more you try to show yourself as being this alpha male, the more beta you look, you know, the more the less alpha you actually look and the more of a joke you look. In my opinion, like I do not look at Andrew Tate as a great masculine figure, I find him to be the biggest joke, the biggest meme on the planet, and if one had to look at what masculinity was, I mean he doesn't serve any of those. So this is where we have to understand. So those people that are anchored within the self, anchored within themselves as pure consciousness, who are wise, who can give positive, good advice to others, and who's compassionate, who understands the pain and suffering of other people, those people are ideal male role models, according to Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. In the bhagavad-gita, now, another one is they will also possess humility. So you know they're not going to be like, oh look at me, I'm successful. That's not the sign of someone who is truly having those male, positive, masculine values.

Speaker 1: 15:27

Now, what is masculinity? Without machismo? You know, without the whole, you know showing off? Well, the strength is in simplicity. The more simple you are, the stronger you are. It's very simple.

Speaker 1: 15:40

So in Advaita it's all about being at peace, and that is the highest strength. When you are at peace in the mind, no matter who tries to impact you, who tries to harm you, you will always be at peace. And when you're at peace, nothing can disturb you, nothing can bring you into conflict. The moment there is, if you have a look, that the mind that is in conflict is the mind that is not in peace. So if you're in peace, you have a mind that is free from conflict and therefore you know a truly strong man doesn't need to raise his voice, control others or suppress emotions.

Speaker 1: 16:21

One, express your emotions. There's nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. If you feel like crying, just cry. I mean, it's better just to be yourself and controlling others. Why do you want to control other people? Just let things be and you don't have to raise your voice. You know, sometimes withholding raising your voice and just speaking in a calm manner can get a lot of things done, and we only can do that if we have detachment.

Speaker 1: 16:52

So the person, the guy who knows that he is the Atman, that he is pure consciousness, that knowing in itself will give you a natural dignity, it will give you a natural strength, it will give you a natural control over your own self. So remember, you don't need to raise your voice, you don't need to control other people. You can just simply be yourself and be so comfortable that you will know when to do the right thing, because your mind is steadied in wisdom. Then you know when it comes to being, we live in a household. Right, I live in a household. Most of the people listening to this are householders. So we either have young families or we're in relationships or we're looking for a relationship, but we may be a son or a daughter.

Speaker 1: 17:42

Now, if I wanted to look at real masculine archetypes, well, you know, there's. The one is Yajnavalka in the Upanishads. Uh, in there he he talks about wanting to leave his um household life to pursue enlightenment. And his wife. So he gives all his wealth to his wife and his wife says, um, why do I need, uh, this, why do I need this? Uh, you know, will this wealth, wealth stay with me? And he says no. So if it's not going to stay with me, then I want what you're going for. Basically, in a nutshell, so again it shows that he has spiritual depth and he can live a household life. He goes with his wife later on and they both pursue enlightenment.

Speaker 1: 18:43

You know, shri Ram is seen as the Mariyada Pushottam, the ideal man of being in pure control of himself. You know, he doesn't go against the code of conduct, so he's the ideal man of restraint, of dharma, of compassion. You know, even though when he killed Ravan, he didn't look to conquer Ravan, he even saw Ravan's positivity and even told his brother to get knowledge from Ravan. That shows how great Shri Ram was. And this is a rather interesting one. But Nachiketa's father of the Katha Upanishad? But Nachiketa's father of the Katha Upanishad, yes, although he's a flawed parent in the beginning. But what you see is that he learns, he invites conversation, and that helps further.

Speaker 1: 19:43

So what about when it comes to fatherhood responsibility and the role of men in guiding youth. Now I'm someone who's a father, so this is how I'm relating to this. But you know, positive masculinity is about showing up when it comes to doing spiritual practice and giving guidance and having patience. That's really important. And as a father, I'm not there to rule but to mirror steadiness and love. So if my son is angry or frustrated or just disturbed by something, I'm there, that I'm that pillar of strength, that pillar of steadiness and love that he can return to and realize that I am present. There's having your presence there is more important. So you know, in in advaita, a father teaches not by commands but simply by presence. And that's how any true teacher even does. You know, one has to just be there by their presence. They don't command anything. Their presence is enough to transform what somebody's feeling at that time.

Speaker 1: 20:57

So it's really important that one lets go of any of the toxic masculine traits that they may have and they have to remember that avidya, ignorance is at the root of that. So whenever one has aggression, superiority, emotional repression, all of this is because of the ignorance of the self. If you look at the root of those things, if you feel superior to somebody. The root of that is because you're ignorant of your true self. If you see yourself as pure consciousness, you cannot be superior or inferior. You cannot repress your emotions because of some ideal vision of manliness that you have. If you're aggressive, why be aggressive? Nobody gets anything done positively through aggression. Yeah, you'll get things done out of fear, but you've been never done out of love.

Speaker 1: 21:53

And where there's no love, there's just very little growth, very little progress, and therefore that just shows how and and one is only aggressive when they truly are ignorant of themselves, when they don't realize who they truly are. And if you think you're just a body, of course there's just going to be aggression there. And liberation from this will lead to a more sattvic life. You know, where one is pure one, one is calm and one has full clarity, and that is is a new masculine ideal. Someone who is kind of rooted in sattvic living. Now, when I say sattvic living, I'm not talking about what foods you eat, I'm talking about what behavioral traits you have. That's more important.

Speaker 1: 22:44

But to get to this, to shape this type of positive masculinity that's rooted in Advaita Vedanta, what we need to have is discipline, and discipline is truly important. You know, tapas is truly important. And when we do that tapasya, when we do that in a discipline, that's when we can control our senses. So therefore, if we control our senses, so therefore, if we control our senses, we can be mature in our emotions, we can also remove any aggression. Because when we control our senses, then we're not literally doing whatever the body and mind wants, so we're controlling it. Therefore, we're observing it, we're actually seeing if it's necessary and then, um, just controlling the mind, the thoughts, the emotions that build up, we just observe them.

Speaker 1: 23:37

And same thing with speech. We don't have to give big cuss words out and ridicule others or kind of put other people down. Our speech is rather measured and it's humorous, light and just free of causing any anger. And therefore, because what happens otherwise? When we do not have that inner discipline, if we do not do that inner discipline, if we do not do that in a tapas, that inner control, then our masculinity becomes very impulsive and indulgent. So it's rooted in egoic kind of an egoic coating and something that we want to avoid from other people. So with tapasya our masculinity is more radiant and more sattvic and it's more respected by others as well.

Speaker 1: 24:31

And trust me, if you're young and single, then, or single in general, if you have more of these traits, most women feel safe with you then. But if you're aggressive, if you want to show that you control more or you want to earn more money and you want to have all these type of egoic games, trust me, you won't last in a relationship unless that female has a massive inferiority complex within herself. But any kind of true feminine woman will not go for you. And when I say this, obviously I'm talking about male and female relationships, but you can open this up to even, you know, gay, lesbian or trans, any type of relationship. It doesn't really matter.

Speaker 1: 25:31

So what's the practical takeaways for you if you want to practice this and bring it into your life?

Speaker 1: 25:38

Well, first of all, do a daily self inquiry who is the one that's trying to be masculine? Who is it? And redefine strength as instability, not out of control. And I would encourage you to explore silence within yourself, experience meditation and deep listening. Just listen to people, just see what they're saying, and try not to even. When you're listening, it's got to be so deep that you're not thinking about the next thing to say to them. You're literally just listening and that's it.

Speaker 1: 26:15

And you know, and just remember that there are many people as examples of good masculine wisdom whether that's Sri Krishna, sri Ram, adi Shankaracharya so many good masculine figures who didn't have to show off their masculinity in the way that the people who are red-pilled by Andrew Tate and the ilk accordingly show is much more. That type of masculinity just causes more harm than good, and those are roles that we've moved on from. So it's time to say bye to that and, you know, be more like Raja Janak, be more like Sri Krishna. So that's the episode. Let me know what you think. You know, let's have a debate if you feel otherwise, but those are my views, those are the views of Advaita Vedanta that I agree with, and I'll see you in the next episode. Take care, namaste.